Some days, I just want to fall asleep and forget everything….
Some days, I feel fat when I see myself skinny, or I feel skinny when I see myself fat…
Some days, I’m hungry but I feel full from the first bite….
Some days, I wish I didn’t have to eat anymore…
Some days, I want it all but everything disgusts me…
Some days, I want to see people but I prefer to be alone…
Everyone has bad days, and we don’t really know why.
Fatigue, stress, discomforts, disappointment, menstruation…
But when you have an eating disorder, these feelings are particularly unpleasant.
Because we often try to “intellectualize” our body and our feelings, we try to understand, we find no reason so thoughts turn in a loop.
Because, paradoxically, we are even more attentive to what we feel, perhaps because we are more used to it and we have tried to silence these feelings.
When this happens, my advice is to not stay alone.
Surround yourself with others to silence the intellectual hubbub.
It can be a phone call, a few words to the local shopkeeper.
Cherish your body too: “okay, today you’re making my life hard. So I’m going to lie down and try to relax by focusing my attention on each of your parts, one by one.”
Go for a walk in the sun (when there is one), look at nature.
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Everyone has their own tricks but above all, remember, these moments and sensations are fleeting, soon they will only be a memory.
They will surely come back but in the meantime, you will have experienced (I hope) the fullness and joy.
Maybe they’ll last an hour, maybe several weeks.
But always think that tomorrow will be better.
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