Confess that I have a problem.
Consult a psychologist and then a psychiatrist.
Dare to confide to my relatives.
To accept that putting the cure first may have consequences for my studies, my social life, my achievements.
In my fight against Eating Disorders, many steps have been difficult to take. Always because of fear.
“Afraid of being judged or despised, afraid that my friends will not love me anymore, afraid of being a disappointment for my family. “
Afraid to change, afraid that the way others look at me changes. Afraid of being a failure.
With a lot of effort and a lot of help from my relatives and professionals, I was able to overcome my fears and go through these steps one after the other.
But that was not enough: despite much progress, I still had episodes of great distress. I felt like I tried everything. I thought that if all these efforts, all these concessions had not healed me, it was over, there was nothing left to do.
“But there is always something to do, a trail to explore, a treatment to try.”
The first time my psychologist told me about taking medication (anxiolytics,anti-depressants), it was a shock. Shame, sadness, fear of the way other people might think, fear of failure …
I felt a multitude of intense and negative emotions. I was disturbed, but I had a certitude.
I was 21 years old, I was doing brilliant studies, I had a united family, a lover, friends … I was not going to take antidepressants anyway. This step, I refused to cross it.
And then one day when I was in pain, I thought it was better than this disease. That I might not want to be “on drugs” but that I still had less desire to spend every second of my life thinking about food or my weight, hating my body, isolate myself isolate, or hurt me.
I was wrong to think:
I, Juliette, 21 years old, brilliant student, in love, in good health, surrounded by a family and great friends, do not have to take medicine.
Because I was not just “Juliette, 21 years old, brilliant student, in love, in good health, surrounded by a family and great friends”.
I was :
Juliette, 21, a brilliant student, in love, in good health, surrounded by a family and great friends, and currently suffering bulimia.
Anyway, you’re sick. It’s hard to accept, but it’s like that.
In this context, is it better to just be sick or sick and fight the disease?
I chose the second option. I agreed to take medication (anxiolytics, then antidepressants). It was difficult, and sometimes it still is, but it helped me so much!
And my fears proved unfounded: my friends did not judge me but supported me, my lover still loves me, my family is not disappointed but proud. I am always myself. Today I am better, much better.
Everything is better than your illness. Do not be ashamed, do not be afraid to heal yourself. After all, the problems are there, and refusing to treat them will not make them disappear. On the contrary, it is the treatment that will allow you to overcome them and to detach you from them.
It takes courage and resilience but it’s worth it.
And you deserve it.
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