At almost 60 years, I have been experiencing a return of vomiting bulimia nervosa for more than two years, after fifteen years of calm. It was only a few months ago that I finally accepted the return of this disorder and asked for psychological help.

As I have a normal weight, my bulimia is not noticed. I also try not to let anything appear. Smiling and helpful in family and at work, I fight my fight with the greatest discretion, which leads to suffering and loneliness.

I “fell” into the EA at the age of 20 in 1980, when the medical world was completely uninterested. After a period of anorexia, bulimia nervosa (vomiting or not) has set in for many years. I had a first long therapy that stabilized me, but did not definitively eliminate my dietary concerns.

At 30 years old I got married. We had a child and lived on several continents, sometimes in difficult conditions. I have faced and tamed very different cultural realities from mine and met people from all walks of life. When we returned, I thought I would settle down in a peaceful daily life, strengthened by the experiences I had lived.

However, the symptoms reappeared and I felt it first as a shock and a deep humiliation. For many months I have repeated to myself that the crisis of the day was the last one, that tomorrow it will get better. From crisis to crisis, I have relapsed seriously.

I’ve been seeing a psychologist for a few months now. Even if I find that change is too slow to take hold, I am already feeling better. Now I accept my situation and want to go back up the slope with modesty and patience. The work by word is long, but I am sure I am on the right path.

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The activities that help and nourish me are drawing (sometimes with my eyes closed or with the other hand, so there is no waiting or disappointment), movement (gym, aquagym, hiking, yoga, skating in winter), mindfulness (learning every moment). As far as possible, I try to privilege the inner feeling in the face of external norms and stimuli, which is very soothing.

In doing so, it is also important for me to remain open to others and the world. My very personal concerns should not make me forget other emergencies, particularly climate emergencies, and to commit myself to them. I also try to be grateful for everything I have and that is fine: I live in a peaceful country, I have access to water and electricity, a roof over my head, etc. What seems self-evident to us is not everyone’s reality.

There you go. I fight on all kinds of levels, with good days and bad days. This is life!

I discovered the Feeleat application a few weeks ago and I am delighted with it. It reduces my feeling of isolation and I would like to thank the entire team behind this project.

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